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my yoga experience

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don’t exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes […]

Ham Sandwich

I didn’t sleep very good last night.
So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee… I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.

but alas, I have made it safely into hipsterpig headquarters, finding the best funny tshirts , I really love my job, perhaps a little to much. You’ll notice that we are discovering more than just t-shirts, we now have some amazing posters, collectibles, and those cute little bobbleheads.  To be fair though, I may have just spent the last hour or so playing with said bobbleheads.

Things are pretty quiet around here, except for the constant Wiggling, I’m realizing that the only thing constant is change, and Wiggling

So enjoy some Wiggling:

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.